Saturday, March 27, 2010


In two weeks it will be the two year anniversary of camdyns birth. wow, i cant believe how quickly time goes by. I truly did not think I could survive that much pain and here I am two years later. My wonderful mother in law sent me a link to the youtube video about a baby girl named audrey caroline smith. Her parents found out that she had abnormalities that were "incompatible with life" when she was 20 weeks pregnant. They decided to hold out hope that God would heal her, and not terminate the pregnancy. The video is a tribute to audrey and the mom singing a song called "I will carry you" It is so so beautiful. I watched it tonight and was reminded of the walk jacob and I were forced to take almost two years ago. Audrey was born and passed away two days before camdyn was born and passed away. Im reminded of the pain and the anger, and the questions that Jacob and I were left with after that life changing day. As I watched the video I held ava, rocking her to sleep. My oh my how Gods grace is so evident in my life today. I wouldnt trade any of the experiences that we have had since camdyns birth. God truly truly answered our prayers. Its so refreshing to be reminded how much He loves us and how He DOES know the desires of our hearts. I still feel pain, and my heart still hurts that I dont have camdyn to hold, but what a joy to know that my sweet baby girl and ava's big sister is in the arms of Jesus.
happy almost - two - year birthday with Jesus
camdyn reese graff 4.9.08

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

the calling

I recently stumbled upon a blog that realllllly got my attention.
I havent even gotten to read more than five or six of her posts, but its about a girl that moved away from home for what she thought was going to be a year. well, its much more than that. She moved to uganda. Apparently she has adopted a lot of children and has had to sacrifice a "normal" life in order to pursue God's will. I love her words, she said in a round about way, forgive me if I misquote, but "there is no sacrifice in Christ but instead there is eternal gain" woa.
How quickly life can "happen" and I find myself trying to live a "normal" life. Wanting a big house, a nice car, lots of money, some kind of status in society. Her blog caused me to ask myself, where did THAT Heather go? The Heather that wanted nothing more than to be set-apart, sold out, if you will for Christ. How could I so easily forget the power of Christ. The calling.
I went to china once. As I sat there and read this amazing woman's blog, I felt an inner pull so strong that it literally brought tears to my eyes. A pull, a magnet as I described it to jacob, pulling me towards missions. Towards leaving this "normal" life behind and serving God in China. The reality of God's will is that comfort is not a priority. Of course, God loves us and rejoices when we are happy, but our purpose is NOT to be happy. I believe that our purpose is to glorify God.
I am so moved by this woman, sooo inspired. I long to have that devotion. My oh my, so much work to be done on myself.